I always have the most success when writing as a character, whether it be RP or working on my novel 'Being Cinderella.' The second, however, that I have to actually express my ideals or feelings, I hit a brick wall. Usually head first, because it always ends in headache. I used to be so good at this, so it boggles my mind that lately I can't do it. I guess it's because I don't know what I'm feeling. 9/10 times my mood is morose at best. I don't have it in me to be anything else. When I'm happy, I get sad because I want to share this happiness with others, and they're not here. When I'm upset, I keep it in, because who wants to be brought down by other people's emotions?? I just have alot of feelings these days, haha!

With September now here, I know that the month will breeze by and October will pop right in. I say it'll be okay and I'll get through these two months easy, but then there's the holidays and I cry. It's hard to forget someone who gave you so much to remember. And no, I'm not at all trying to forget my brother. I just want the hurt to go away, and the second it feels like it's desolving, it's back full force. October 3rd will be two years and that's two years too long without your best friend. Which was what my brother was. He was my best friend. And it's not like we just had a fight and eventually one of us will bite the bullet, get over our stubbornness and forgive and be back to normal. He's never coming back. Which in turn, buries the hurt deeper. my biggest fear is that the hole in my heart won't ever heal. Then what? Back to robot living?