love me, love me; say that you love me...

No matter how hard I try, there are some things about myself that I just can't escape. I am full-heartedly my own worst enemy. Friendships, career, family, love.. all aspects that shouldn't be left out.

I just don't know what my problem is. What the fuck is wrong with me? Honestly, if someone knows TELL ME! I can't fix it. I can't fix who I am and I'm so tired of it. I'm so tired.

It kills me that I can't do better. I can't do well by myself.

I don't need a reality check. I need help!

Welcome to 2011

I'm not good at being disappointed. It makes me bitter and one feeling I hate above all others, is bitterness. I tried, and thats enough for me. I tried, and than tried again. No matter how you spin it? I'm just not THAT person anymore. I'm not who I was. That's the thing with TIME. Eventually while everything moves, you have to too.

My New Years didn't start the way I wanted it to, but it ended the way it was supposed to. They say that people create their own drama, their own realiities and I'm starting to believe that might be true. I was told last night that "You are the way you are because you want to be. You don't accept help, because you want to be miserable, you LOVE being miserable." and maybe I do. Maybe I don't want to be "HAPPY HAPPY JOY JOY" maybe, just maybe I'm not ready to be happy again. Maybe I don't know how?! Fucking hypocritical bastards, these people I consider my friends, let me tell you.

But they also say that the truth hurts.