Lead, follow, or get out of the way.

I think for the most part, being "lost" is something I'm just going to have to come to terms with. More often than not, I have moments of pure insanity, and I'm not talking "doing something crazy."

While traveling on the road to finding myself, you know.. sometimes you just become more confused with the path you've chosen than you were in the beginning. Nobody said self-growth would be easy and it's not.

Everyday is a struggle to push myself to be okay. Everyday is a struggle to fight tears. I'm not emotional by any means, at least I never thought I was. After David died something in me just erupted. Like the Tin Man in the Wizard of Oz, I suddenly had a heart. And these feelings? I can't turn them off. I'm more aware of the things that bother me, rather than shutting them off, like I'd done so many times in the past.

I don't know, that's just where I'm at right now. Life, just is.

Breaking up is hard to do? while it wasn't the fault of anyone in particular, it was needed. I don't feel bad. Does that make me horrible? All these years, all these emotions and sad isn't one of them..? At-least not where my relationship is concerned it's not.

I realize my problems and what I need to fix about myself. I know who I want to be and I know what I want to be. I just I need to be okay. I need to be my self, my WHOLE self. I need help. I need to be myself.

I used to believe broken people would rule the world... I refuse to see that happen.. I've been lost for the better part of 3 years and I just can't. I can't do it anymore.

The first step is realizing you have a problem.
The second step is physically doing something about it.

For now, this chapter of my life has come to an end and while there is nothing wrong with looking back.. if YOU aren't the YOU, you were, than nothing is the same and it would be silly to think so.